Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
