Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
