Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
