After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
