Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
