jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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