How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
