I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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