Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
