I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
