by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
