I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
