Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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