one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
