she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
