OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
