i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
