CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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