He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
