you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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