It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
