I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
