Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
