As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
