absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
