1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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