at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
