She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
