TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
