definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
