i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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