new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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