that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
