I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
