do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
