sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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