Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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