and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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