you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
