I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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