I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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