epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
