Already got asked if we're dating
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
