I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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