You're my little dorito
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
