My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
