i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
