You're my little dorito
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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