Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
