Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
