I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
