Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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