Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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